The Hold Steady are one of those bands that you could go your whole life knowing nothing about, but if you know them you know them and you probably love them. I first heard them while I was, of course, working in music retail, and their album Stay Positive was a recent thing, buoyed by the unforgettable “Sequestered in Memphis” that somehow snuck onto the corporate playlist (never let it be said that somebody at home office wasn’t at least trying to be cool.)
“Constructive Summer,” which leads off that album is a blast of fiery, punky, bar-band shout-along energy. It opens with the indelible musichead line, “Me and my friends are like the drums of ‘Lust for Life,'” the kind of perfect sideways simile that the band is known for and that makes me envy their lyrics as something as good or better than most of the novels I’ve read.
The refrain and chorus insist, with fiery passion, “We’re gonna build something this summer.” That was where my head was at when I set my final day at my last job for May 15. That would give me the whole summer to myself, to do with what I pleased. To set intentions and follow through on them.
Is that what happened? We are now nosing our way into August, deep in the dog days and starting to feel the crunch of leaves underfoot. Did I “build” anything? I’ve worked, I’ve written, I’ve obtained a bit of clarity. I’ve relaxed and been on vacation. I’ve also found it difficult to focus my energy in any one particular direction, and felt squeamish at the task of trying to get someone to pay me for words as I intimated to some folks that I would.
When I announced I was quitting a job with no set destination, a lot of people advised me that I really should relax and take some time before I got into the job hunt. I didn’t — for reasons I don’t feel like explaining here, shortly after my funemployment began, things changed and it became slightly more imperative that I work on finding some sort of income, but more than that it was that I felt a bit of shame (societal pressure, perhaps?) at being idle. I’ve applied for jobs, done interviews, gotten rejections, puffed up some connections on Linkedin… all while also having this alternate life of writing for this blog and for myself. If things turn around and I get a job tomorrow, I can still feel proud of what I did with my time, even if that big project never got built.
Craig Finn (always one to pepper his lyrics with religious lyrics I don’t always relate to) sings, “Getting older makes it harder to remember, we are our only saviors.” This is the other line that echoed in my ears when I told my boss (who was very sympathetic,) “You know… if I don’t change something, it’s not going to change.” I was heading down a road I didn’t like and only I could do something about it. No matter what I did or didn’t do with my summer, that’s phenomenal advice to keep in mind at any point in your life. Other people will hopefully be there to lend a hand, but who but you is going to save you?
Scotto Williams - Better Late Than Never Blog 